Hazel, the wonderdog

I have to say that, on a general basis, I do not consider Golden Retrievers to be the brightest crayons in the box. Granted, they are typically being compared to the resident Border Collie…but even then…they just give the impression of being “cute as a button, and twice as smart.”

They are sweet, floppy, loyal, and will do whatever you want if you roll on the ground and love on them for a minute. My experience has been, however, that they are…well…dumb as rocks. Moose was terrified of white objects and adorable two year old boys. Hazel runs and hides if you hold out something delicious for her and sweetly request that she (terror of all terrors…) “SIT.” (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! run for your LIIIIIVES!!!!)

I have some very good evidence, though, that they are secretly evil geniuses. Border Collies may be the smartest, most easily trained breed of dog on the planet, and my sweet little mutt, Muffin, might have been able to mathematically calculate the EXACT center between any and all humans in her family in the house at any given moment…and sit there so she could reach whichever one of us needed her first…

The Border Collies may be the shoe in for Alpha Dog in any pack…and be experts in the art of human (sheep) herding…

But my Goldens have been the only ones to realize the potential of a human on the potty.

The Border Collies may be protecting their momentarily vulnerable ward from invading elephants along the perimeter of the yard, but my Golden’s recognize a “golden” (hee hee) opportunity when they see one. I never – NEVER – go to the potty alone.

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C’mon, Mom…I think we BOTH know that you don’t have anything better to do right now, don’t we…?

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