Almost two weeks ago, I received the results of Hadley’s school assessments for learning disorders, letting us know that he did qualify for special education assistance through the county school systems. He will be able to go for these sessions each week and hopefully we will all learn a little more about how to best help him learn.
One of the challenges discovered included trouble with processing speed. Apparently this could be the root of Hadley’s speech repetition, and if that were the case…it could be possible that his tics were secondary to his speech and related to a processing disorder. That might mean that he didn’t have Tourette’s. (If you read yesterday’s post, you know how this ends, of course).
I caught myself momentarily envisioning a Facebook or blog post saying, “It isn’t Tourette’s Syndrome. God is Good.”
I bet you can see where I’m headed with this.
Suddenly, all of the posts that I have read from people rejoicing in the Goodness of God started a little popcorn dance in my head…
“Such and such has happened just the way we had hoped! God is Good!”
“So and so is getting better! God is Good!”
There is much to say about my personal journey with God over the past year, which is what I will most likely ponder and plod through on Fridays here. None is more significant to me, however, than whether or not God is Good.
He either is, or he is not. Unless you have a different definition for the word is…as I hear that some do.
If God is Good because my son does not have any variance from normal, then what is He now? With one diagnosis down and many more looming?
What is He if I have a fatal condition in which I can’t be here for Hadley (and everyone else) as he learns how be a deviation from the norm? Or if I am here, but every few months or years I have another body part dysfunction? Is God still Good then? Or only when things ‘work out?’
If God is Good because my son, or daughter, or Great Aunt Fannie, have been spared some unpleasantries…what is He when another family is not spared?
This is, of course, not a new concept. It isn’t shockingly deep or earth shattering.
It is just a thought. If I am willing and eager to proclaim His Goodness when I have joy, it is important to me that I be able to remember and accept His Goodness when there is disappointment or pain.
It is what it is. God is what He is.
Sometimes I fall to pieces and tell God that I’m not even totally sure that He’s there. And then I realize that I am still talking to Him. I do believe…and I believe that He is Good.
When I start to feel that things are overwhelming, I think of this song and it’s author. I wonder if he felt the same way that I do some times when I write…
No matter how I feel when I sit down to type, I usually end up with something that leans toward Hope and Comfort. Not blindly, but matter-of-fact-ly. I would simply rather tell myself what I would want someone to say to me – or what I would hope to say to another. Sometimes it isn’t exactly how I felt when I started, but it is typically how I feel when I am done typing. I wonder if this man, standing on a boat in the ocean…mourning the loss of his family…if he told himself what he wanted to believe.
I think of my favorite Bible verse:
“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
I think that this weekend is a good time for me to ponder this. Maybe it is for you, too.
God is Good. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!