I make an effort not to write very often about the strange things that are wrong with me – or the continuing speed bumps in our life – because, well…it can be overwhelming to some. I also don’t want to come off as a whiner. So, I usually just don’t write very often on the blog at this particular moment of our life. There are so many incredibly wonderful things that happen, too…but it’s usually just easier to slap it on Facebook than to bust out the laptop and be more intentional.
I also have an increased hesitation to speak or write publicly because my brain seems to have taken a leave of absence. I know that it is related to the medical issues I have flooding my system, but seriously, it’s getting ridiculous. I have never been much of a speller but I can typically muddle through with a nod to spell check and the little wiggly red line. I have always had trouble with things like
wierd weird, and accross across…but can remind myself that “you don’t want to cross two c’s (seas)”, and to put “i before e, except after c” – oh, and of course the difference between except and accept. It has always just seemed as though I had a brain glitch that I had to give a swift kick every now and then. No biggie.
Then there were the early parenting years, when you can’t remember your own name, much less the correct names of your children (Moose? Oh wait, that’s the dog. You’re Hadley.) Vocabulary drops significantly, and you absentmindedly tell your adult friends that you’ll be right back – you have to go potty. Or ask someone to hand you that thing-a-ma-bob over there. And since you probably hang out with other like-minded parents, they do hand it to you without hesitation. Because they knew exactly what you meant, but they’ll have to get it for you once they get back from the potty, themselves.
I had just started to get adjusted to baby brain – my youngest is 4 and just barely starting to let me come up for air long enough to get the required amount of oxygen to my brain for more complex thoughts and conversation – and run on sentences. …when the stress of life took advantage of my predisposition for dysfunction, and I am fairly certain that I am flat out losing my mind.
Thanks to the lack of collagen in my body, and gravity, I don’t get adequate blood to the upper regions of my body when I sit or stand. You know…like my brain. With POTS, brain fog is pretty much part of the deal. And it apparently gets
progressivly progressively worse. I can’t spell a darn thing anymore. But it’s not just the things that I have always flaked out on, or from lack of sleep as a parent. I spell things so far from correctly that it is absurd. No really. Take a wild guess as to what I was trying to type when these floated out onto my keyboard:
My possessive and plural s’s are impossible
Sometimes it’s just something like intellegent. I can’t even figure out which part is incorrect! And I used to know! I used to BE intelligent! Thanks to spell check, I can find out pretty easily, but that’s not always around to help.
The other day, while driving, I realized that I had been poking around in my purse for my car keys for about five minutes. For my car keys. While driving.
Tonight, I pushed the seat belt release with my right hand, while pushing the door with my left elbow and couldn’t figure out why the door wouldn’t open.
I also avoid conversation in general, but especially on the phone. It just takes entirely too much effort to form coherent sentences, much less carry on an intelligent conversation. (By the way, it was the ‘i’ that was wrong.)
So, I plod along, avoiding conversation and wishing I could wear a sign around my neck and a signature to all of my messages and texts that says “yeah, I know. Just bear with me.” But I’d probably write bare instead…and that could create some awkward situations. SO, if you happen to notice that I make blatant spelling or grammar mistakes somewhere, or you see me looking confused while trying to get out of my car…just turn me around and point me in the right direction. I’ll probably get there eventually. 😉
Oh, and thanks. I appreciate the help.